Weird Days and Stools
by classyblue
Summary: Some days you think can't get any worse, unless you forget about the stool. For delos13, thanks for the muse.


Weird Days and Stools

Hephaestion was in the middle of the weirdest day he could ever remember having. At this point, after everything else that he happened, he wouldn't be surprised at anything else that could happen to him. At least that is what he was trying to convince himself.

The day had started out normal enough. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened to make him think that it could get stranger as the day went on. The weirdness had begun quietly and in such small doses that it would have been hard to pinpoint when the craziness began to escalate. By the time it was in full bloom, it was too late anyway.

As he looked back on it, it could have started when he was taking his morning bath. He had bathed and washed his hair. He sat on the stool next to the tub to brush out his hair when his brush flew out of his hands when he tugged a little stronger and sailed a few yards away from him. He leaned over to pick the wayward brush up, picking his pretty tush up off of the stool a mere few inches and sat back down.

That was his intention anyway. The stool had other ideas. How it had scooted a few inches away, Hephaestion had no idea but he found himself sitting unceremoniously on the floor. He gave the stool the hairy eyeball. The stool glared back.

From there things progressed, or rather degraded. The pile of scrolls on his desk seemed to wait for him to enter the room before it made a pretty little waterfall to the floor, like they needed him to witness their downfall. He bent over to pick them up but they seemed to have ideas of their own and promptly fall out of his arms again as he stood back up. Hephaestion laughed at his own ineptness. He quit laughing later as the 'ineptness' became more pronounced.

He left his rooms to take care of some things that needed to be done. He rounded a corner and met one of his least favorite people. Caratrus smiled brightly at Hephaestion and told him to have a good day as he continued down the hallway. Hephaestion, on the other hand, stood rooted in place with a puzzled look on his handsome face. He turned and watched his nemesis walk away and began to shake his head. Could this day get any weirder?

Apparently it could.

Hephaestion had his head lowered reading a scroll as he passed the gardens. The gardeners were busy watering the potted plants as he passed by, a little too close by.

On any other day he might have gone on by without mishap, but not today. The water that was intended for the potted giant fern now cascaded down the lovely form of the man called Hephaestion. After he caught his breath from the surprise, he chuckled, the gardeners winced in fear and remorse, and the scrolls danced merrily onto the floor again. Turning around, after assuring the gardeners that their lives would be spared with a big grin; he headed back to his rooms to change clothes.

The scrolls accompanied him.

Sitting on the stool again to take off his soaked sandals, he failed to notice the gleam of mischief from the stool. What he did notice was the stool, or lack there of, when he leaned forward to get his dry pairs of shoes to put on. Again he sat on the floor facing the stool with a glare on his face. He could have sworn the stool winked back at him.

Gathering the naughty scrolls again, he departed his rooms, avoiding the gardens, and arrived at the stables. He turned when someone called his name and felt his toes ooze with that special something only stables have. Groaning he looked down at his foot. Servants soon surrounded him as his feet and sandals were clean up. The scrolls he was holding saw all of the activity and decided to join the fun. Hephaestion was not amused.

Hephaestion tried not to think about the apple that feel on his head during his ride, or the rain that suddenly appeared on this sunny day. He ignored the pretty rainbow in the sky as he once again felt cold wet clothes around him. The little birdies that sang a sweet song for him did not hold his interest but the little deposit they left on one of his scrolls did. He thought that little bit of revenge was rather nice.

He made it back in one piece to the stable and into the palace. Deciding not to try his luck, he again avoided the gardens on his way to his rooms and instead went the long way around by the dining room. Walking by the doors, he collided with a body, scrolls again flying in all directions and him landing again on his already bruised behind. He looked up to give the intruder a piece of his somewhat fragile mind. Before he could speak, he was helped up and the scrolls were retuned to their rightful place, apologies were issued aplenty. The other man then left leaving a speechless Hephaestion behind. He watched awestruck as Cassander walked away.

By this time Hephaestion was beginning to think that this day had to be a dream, or rather a nightmare. He pinched himself to see if he was really awake. He pinched hard enough that he knew it was going to leave a mark and groaned when he realized that this was really happening and he still had half a day left to go.

Maybe he should just take a long afternoon nap and make the day go faster. The top of his desk made him rethink his plans though, not that he could see the top of his desk. The cussed scrolls had that covered very well.

He sat down and forced himself to get to the mess on his desk. Broken quills, spilled ink and wayward wax all joined in the fun. He went to retrieve something he had been reading the night before by his bed, while reading another as he walked, and tripped and stubbed his toe.

Holding his toe and cussing a blue streak, he eyed the tripper. The tripper eyed him back…and smiled. Hephaestion had never seen a stool smile before.

Not long after, Alexander came into Hephaestion's room. He saw the messy desk with the scrolls surrounding it all over the floor. Then he looked to the center of the room. Hephaestion sat in a chair, his toe bandaged, a cup of wine in his hand and a big bruise on his forearm. He was staring at the stool with a scowl on his face.

"Hephaestion, how is your day going?" Alexander had never seen Hephaestion make the face he was now making, and Alexander thought he had seen every face he had ever made. He swallowed loudly and bit his lip trying not to smile at his beloved general.

"Do you want a stool? I'm giving one away, really cheap, by Hades, I will even give it to you."

Alexander looked at the stool and back at Hephaestion. He smiled as he walked to his friend to console him. After giving him a big hug, he turned to sit on the stool in front of Hephaestion.

The stool saw the kingly arse coming towards it and giggled.


End file.
